Edinburgh, burgers, Edinburgh

OMGYOUGUYS. We're in Edinburgh and it's too beautiful for words (as always) and we spent the afternoon catching friends and family, and the evening in our hotel spa floating and steaming and aromatherapying and now I smell so nice and feel so relaxed and content.

Cute, I guess. 

The view of Edinburgh Castle from our room

And now for the last of our Christmas burgers. I've lost track of how many we've had now, but it's got to be in the millions, right?

1. Blacklock: grilled Norfolk turkey, sausage and onion patty, smoked bacon, greens and cranberry ketchup. We actually thought this was our favourite Christmas burger of the bunch, until we got to Number Four.

2. Byron: The Fromagemas - Barber's cheddar and red Leicester, Byron cheese, grana padano crips, red onion, shredded iceberg, smoked tomato ketchup, grana padano aioli with a jug of Byron cheese sauce. Our thoughts were the same as last year's: sure, alright, that's good enough to put in my mouth, but how is this Christmassy? 

3. Almost Famous, Leeds: Son of a Nutracker - "juicy famous cheeseburger, BBQ spiced sausage stuffing patty, buttermilk fried turkey, festive creamy slaw" - you can't just add 'festive' to make creamy slaw seasonal, guys - "bacon and cranberry jam, JD Cola BBQ sauce, brandy buttered peppercorn mayo, topped with ultimate sausage roll and pig in a blanket, with pot of AFC gravy." This was by far the most absurd of all the burgers I tried and I think it actually could've worked except THAT BBQ SAUCE. No, guys. No BBQ sauce at Christmas. Also, just not this BBQ sauce full-stop. Why would you ruin a perfectly decent insanity burger by dousing it in the stuff?? Also the pig in a blanket weirded me out - it was squidgy? - though the sausage roll was an unexpectedly spicy delight. 

And now we get to the last one - a total fluke - that may've shockingly slid to the top three (don't ask me what the other two are, it changes daily) of our burger list: 

4. Meat:Stack at Salt Horse, Edinburgh: 'Come Giive Me a Hygge Cheeseburger' - Two grill smashed patties, cheese, lingonberry jam, vanilla black pudding, dill pickle fritters, streaky bacon & fixings. THAT BLACK PUDDING. THOSE PICKLE FRITTERS. Not Christmas as I know it, but Christmas as I WANT to know it. It was gorgeous. 

You can see why we needed to lie in a sauna sweating for half an hour tonight, in an attempt to regain some purity.

Going to jump into this giant white bed now and fall asleep watching the Castle glow Christmas colours in the darkness. Lots of love to you all, and I hope you've had a delightful Christmas Eve.

Big seasonal hugs,

Essss

Mostly Monday because today was just work and who wants to hear about that

YOUGUYS. It has been the longest day and I worked an easy 12 hours and still didn't even finish the manuscript I thought was going to be bagged yesterday. The home stretch of any edit always takes so much more time than I think it does. But tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day we wrap.

Speaking of wraps - yes, this is the kind of blog this is going to be today - I had a Leon Christmas wrap and for a tortilla filled with mush (British turkey, ham hock, and pork, sage & onion stuffing balls, all wrapped up with spinach, tarragon mayo and a cranberry & clementine sauce), it was pretty okay. I wish I had gotten the turkey curry, though, so if anyone gets a chance, you gotta let me know how it is. 

For dinner last night, Nathania and I went to Dirty Bones and there we shared their Christmas burger - obviously bottom right pic in the grid above - a venison and pork mince patty with hazelnut brown butter mayo, smoked bacon, caramelised shallots and red cabbage marmalade. It was salty af and seriously tasty. Also super squishy and easy to eat, all qualities I like in a dirty burger. For all that I don't care for Dirty Bones of the Bad Service, I can't say I fault their food. (Just is it WORTH it, having to wave frantically at a server just to get the menu, let alone try to order food or drink or - God forbid - get the check?) 

All in all, yesterday was a resounding Eating Christmas success, though. Which is good, considering today I only had time to eat a bowl of leftover edamame I found in the fridge, which I scarfed standing up while studying maps of ancient Germania. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow! It should be much calmer (famous last words).

Hugs,

Esssss

Time to feign some domesticity

Alright youguys, I have 19 minutes to blog before the washing machine stops and I have to start ironing while the going is damp and the pressing is easy. Then it's time to make dinner - a healthy one, no less - and relax for what may be the first time this entire manic, burger-fuelled, proofreading-crushed week.

Speaking of burgers, last night we had our last one for the week - this time from Mac and Wild - which was a venison burger with pork stuffing, melted Morangie brie, red cabbage, and shredded sprout tops. This burger - like Hawksmoor's - stands on the power of its perfectly cooked, high quality meat. Which is good, because the red cabbage came on as aggressively as a Roman centurion and there wasn't enough brie to give it a passing fight.

I dismantled this entire burger trying to find the cheese, which was the complete opposite of Bad Egg's, where I couldn't find the burger. Like last year, it was a tiny smear, looking much like an anemic swab of mayo, and its stinginess irritated me almost as much as the three million corporate Christmas parties hollering at the tables around us. But we more than made up for it with the haggis macaroni and cheese, and will definitely be returning for their regular burgers at another, less festive time of year. 

AW SHOOT. The machine has quit rumbling across the floor and now it's gone into the high-pitched whine of the spin cycle. Gotta go, much love and hugs,

Essss

Gonna have to do a Salad January

OMGYOUGUYS. I'm almost done with my Christmas burgers. I've only got two left and then DUNZO for another year. There are a few that I regretfully didn't have a chance to hit that I loved last year (Lucky Chip, Blacklock) but I got to try new ones (FUGBK, Red's) and all around it feels like a success. (For my taste buds, if not my health.)

Here are the Christmas burger/sandwiches I have had in the last 24 hours: 

Bad Egg: A rare breed beef patty, with roast beef, gravy, horseradish, caramelised onions, and cheese fondue. 10/10 for the absolutely pornographic cheese waterfall and being served in a bowl of gravy (is gravy the new cranberry sauce? Last year I only recall two burgers getting served with it - Hawksmoor and Blacklock - but this year, it is EVERYwhere. Even the hot dog had it!), but flavour-wise, the real standout wasn't that golden fountain or that meaty moat - shocking - but the horseradish. They would've done well to layer it between the meats rather than on the bottom bun so every bite got a hit. (I also have to say I also don't love having to knife and fork a burger - it's so hard to get every element together in a single bite and isn't that the point?)

Then, of course, we have MeatLiquor, who had not one but THREE Christmas sandwiches on the menu. I didn't bother with the XXXmas burger after last year's debacle but happily tackled the two new ones with my buddy Mike - a hero who joined me on his lunch break to help - and the most prolific burger-lover I know in London. We shared the Turkey Cheesesteak and the Burgducken. 

Let's start with the cheesesteak, which was "a free-range roast turkey bathed in gravy with melted camembert, crispy stuffing crumbles and cranberry sauce": the photo I took above (left) doesn't do it justice. It was really, seriously yummy. It actually tasted - more than anything else I've had so far - like Christmas. The turkey was moist and flavourful, the cranberry sauce sweet-but-not-too, and the stuffing - well, who doesn't like stuffing. This is the sandwich you actually make out of leftovers the day after the holiday and it got to the true spirit of things.

Now for the Burgducken: the creation of Tom Kerridge and Nick Beardshaw (of Michelin-starred famis place and famis place) made this take on the turducken, which is '5 birds (turkey, duck, chicken, pigeon & pheasant) minced with pork belly, deep fried in southern fried panko breadcrumbs, with brandy and cranberry mayo, brussel sprout 'slaw, xxxmas pudding ketchup, and topped with a free-range piggy in a blanket.' Got all that? It was tasty, this gimmickiest of gimmicks - but I can't say my unrefined palate was able to discern what all those other birds added to the affair, other than maybe structure, or comedy. Didn't taste the pork belly at all, but it probably gave it some juice. The cranberry mayo - that horrifyingly pale purple sauce - had tons of orange zest in it that livened things up, and the slaw - well, like the stuffing above - was likeable. It was surprisingly easy to eat, despite its girth - bonus points for that - though as Mike pointed out, 'It's one of those burgers that once you pick it up, you can't put it down again or it goes everywhere.' 

Tonight I hit my fourth Christmas burger and then take a break - lest the gout seek and find me - until my last one next week. I still have my eye on a Christmas burrito, and a Christmas brunch, but only time will tell if I'll manage them. May have to figure out how to (ugh) jog or something if I plan to keep this up. 

I've got to get back to work now - these Romans are literally tearing things up in Germania and it's thrilling - but I'll see you tomorrow! (By the way, if you have any recommendations for decent ways to work out at home - any youtubes you like? an app? - send 'em my direction, so that at the very least I can feel guilty that I'm not doing them, and satisfied that I've asked.)

Big hugs and lots of love,

Essss

a hot dog, a book club, and a Christmas Carnival

OMGYOUGUYS. LET'S DO A POST, SHALL WE. Unlike last night, when I was a half-second from sleep before foggily remembering - then jerking awake - THE BLOG! I fumbled blearily for the laptop, stumbled out an entire sentence, and then immediately fell back asleep, blissfully content that I had written SOMEthing, coherent or otherwise.

But now, after that brief intermission, the show must go on. 

I had the best night: I had my first Christmas hot dog - a DELIGHT - and a Christmas party with a wonderful group of lively women (and a man) at book club. This particular club is casual, funny, and full of warmth, and I haven't laughed so much in ages.

The best (well, depending on my mood, or how late I'm running) part of meeting in Picadilly is the chance to cut through a charming part of the city, notably this time of year. It's not an area I venture into often - what with crowds, and not being much of a shopper - but they always dazzle it up at Christmas time with absolutely bizarre themes. This year was no exception, and I was overjoyed:

Nothing says Christmas like celebrating Lent.

Then I went to Foxlow for their Christmas hot dog: a free-range turkey sausage, slow-smoked sugar-pit bacon, sprout tops, and cranberry hot sauce in a toasted brioche bun. Also the obligatory gravy tureen, which is the feature that keeps me coming back again and again. It was SO GOOD.

 Just LOOK at that thick-cut sweet, crispy, tender bacon. LOOK at it.

Today has been good - I did my proofreading from the bed, where I could spread out all my maps and character lists, and really create a sprawling Roman empire - which is appropriate, since this book is about the Batavi Revolt - and helpful, since these battles are COMPLICATED. Now it's time to put on some Outside Clothes and head to south London, where I'm meeting a friend and then returning home (via one more Christmas dish) to do a little more work before bed. 

Hope your days have been lovely, and until tomorrow,

Hugs,

Essss

That ham and cheese fritter, though

Yesterday was a SUCCESS, youguys. We put two Christmas burgers in us, watched some football, and fell into bed exhausted by . . . well, eleven. Not as early as I needed, but as late as I liked. Tonight, though - tonight is blissfully free and I'm making venison steak and risotto for dinner then crawling into bed with my book.

Now about yesterday's Christmas burgers. Chick'n Sours was the first up, for lunch. (Note about this burger: they only make a limited number a day, so if you want to make sure you don't miss out, ask them to save you one when you're making your reservation.) It's worth the effort, though, because like all Chick'n Sours chicken burgers, it was terrific. This year's burger is different from last year's, which I appreciated because so many on my list are duplicates and who's got time for that?? This year, their burger is a fried chicken fillet, 'Christmas' ham and cheese fritter, kewpie mayo, lettuce, and pineapple kimchi.

I've always wanted to spend Christmas in Hawaii.

Its only demerit was how impossible it was to eat: my mouth simply isn't big enough to get all the layers in one bite. I had to tackle it with a knife and fork after my first attempt scattered its contents all over my plate. It was a burger that wanted to be shovelled, and so I obliged. 

Then, after a snow-filled, romantic* jaunt around Covent Garden, we headed east to Red's True BBQ.  Their Christmas burger, called The Great Uniter, was a turkey patty with ham, bacon, Monterey jack cheese and cranberry sauce, tucked into a custard-soaked fried brioche bun:

Yep. Exactly as described. 

I'm not gonna lie: I liked it. The turkey patty was really flavourful - I thought for a moment I was actually eating stuffing, they must've put buckets of sage in it - and you can never go wrong with two different kinds of pork. The custard-soaked bun - the riskiest guest at the party - was not overpoweringly sweet, and kept the overall affair from dryness. Despite its appearance, it was also remarkably contained and easy to eat: 

I love a good burger cross-section. It reminds me of studying the earth's layers in science. "See the mantle? That's the tastiest bit."

And all that was for the best, because the rest of the food we ordered was not great. The restaurant was understaffed and perhaps because of this - the delayed service that plagued us all night - the pulled pork platter came out cold. The cornbread accompaniment was so dry you had to choke it down and so hard it could've been used as a missile if it didn't crumble into a thousand pieces just looking at it, and the mac and cheese - which might've been nice, if it were warm and bubbly - had become goopy and bland. The jalapeno and cheese sausage was the only dish that didn't suffer from cooling.

The best part of the night, though, was the company: we got to see our old friend Marcos, a world-travelling Brazilian who works as a freelance travel guide. He's seen more corners of the world than anyone I know, and always has great stories when we catch him. We were entertained well into the evening.

Today is work work work: I'm going to try to get through a quarter of this book edit and that requires a media and laptop blackout. Time to turn off phone and wifi, and dive in.

Wish me luck, and see you tomorrow.

Hugs,
Essss



*If by 'romantic,' we mean 'cold, wet and crowded'

Oh Pizza, Where Art Thou

So much has happened in 24 hours. 

It all started with a dinner party based on Land of Fish and Rice. The menu:

+ Shanghai noodles with dried shrimp and spring onion oil (SUPER EASY, STUPID TASTY)

+ Ningbo omelette (you think you have too many chives, but get this - you DON'T. They hecka earthy fragrant. Also the directions say to flip it, but it also doesn't specify pan size and my fry pan was so large it was cooked through in less than a minute with no flip required. So you can choose your own adventure.)

+ Shaoxing slow-cooked pork belly (is it possible to go wrong with pork belly?)

+ Spiced wheat gluten and four delights (the most work, the most beautiful. Will never make again but will pay any amount to put it back in my mouth)

+ Cucumber salad (always and forever. Is there any culture that doesn't do this right?)

+ Slippery wood-ear salad with coriander (this black mushroom looks so much like ears it's FREAKY.)

+ Green soybeans with snow vegetable (the surprise of the night, and may've been my favourite)

Spring onion noodles, soybeans with snow veg, and below, spiced gluten with the full spread

       

We made a sleepover of it and ended the night in our TV nook (or the 'Den of Iniquity' as we like to call it, our Room-under-the-Stairs), watching Nightmare Before Christmas - Al and I hadn't ever seen it, and Pip and Rich knew EVERY WORD AND SANG ALONG (heck, I didn't even know it was a musical) so basically, our christening was in the best environment possible.

Then we get to today: EATING-CHRISTMAS SUNDAY. We decided to try the All Star Lanes Christmas burger, described as "a turkey, chestnut and cranberry patty beneath a layer of duck-fat-roasted potato salad, topped with a sausage and apricot stuffing fritter." Here's what we got:

Not gonna lie: the description was close enough, and It. Was. Tasty. The problem? The cold potatoes that constantly fell out, and sogged up the bottom bun, on a hot burger (this contrast did not bother Al, but man loves potatoes, so if you are in that category, it likely won't bother you, either). I will also contest their use of 'fritter' - while I did find that bulbous hunk on the top to be the tastiest bite of the entire burger (Honestly. GOOD), it was far closer to a meatball than anything battered and deep-fried, and I didn't taste a lot of stuffing.

All of that is minor, though - it was objectively a tasty, tasty burger and we would both definitely eat it again. The real problem? THE SETTING. This is a BOWLING ALLEY. In a MALL. Maybe other locations are different - a BOWLING ALLEY. In the FINANCIAL DISTRICT - but regardless, this time of year, esp on a Sunday, it's Kidsfest2017. We were surrounded by shrieking birthday parties, balloons, tiny monsters screaming at vocal pitches that should not be possible in humans - and no burger could possibly be worth the assault on the senses. 

But we ate it, and we liked it, and would even go so far as to recommend it (if you can get it delivered, or enjoy dining out with headphones).

Then we took our full bellies to the nicest of nap spaces: the movie theatre. We watched Murder on the Orient Express, and as usual with me and mysteries, I did not come close to guessing the culprit. Alan took a nap. Altogether, SO SATISFYING. I hope they make more. 

Now we're home for the evening and waiting for our Christmas pizza from Yard Sale. I am going to be MADE of brussels sprouts by the end of this month. 

I love this country.

Big hug and lots of love,

Esss

First burger down, now let's make some pork belly

YOUGUYS. Let's talk about the Hawksmoor Spitalfields Christmas Burger for a minute. I don't know what's different from last year's (on paper the elements are the same: one turkey burger, one pork patty, with bacon, sprout tops, spiced cranberry ketchup and a slice of Ogleshield, all topped off with a pot of turkey gravy) but I don't even care because it was INCREDIBLE. It was so juicy that you didn't even need the turkey gravy to rich it up (though we poured it on anyway, because obviously) and the meat wasn't so thick you couldn't get it all in on a single bite (a hindrance with a lot of these loaded burgers). And the bacon was so RIDICULOUSLY crispy it was basically bacon crumble. Every bite was a drippy, crunchy delight.

Also Christmas NUGGETS, that beauty in the foreground, filled with creamy cheesy turkey goo, which we devoured in about three seconds.

So of course now I have all the regrets, because what if I started with the best one? WHERE CAN THEY GO FROM HERE?

Today is going to be the opposite of Christmas Eating: we have friends coming over and we'll all be cooking from The Land of Fish and Rice. I'm excited. I have almost no experience cooking this style of cuisine, and the recipes are gorgeous. We've already had our first adventure just sourcing half the ingredients. Noble, heroic Rich volunteered to go to the Chinatown supermarket, a maze of epic proportions, with a list that included dried lily flowers and snow vegetable - which is not what you think it is - and within seconds was sending pics through to the group chat: 'Is this the Shaoxing dried fermented greens? Or this? Wait what about this?' Turns out there is also a billion different varieties of peanut, maybe more. I was absolutely useless: 'Yes?' while his wife helpfully supplied snapshots: 'You're looking for mei gan cai.'

She's clearly going to be the one keeping us from self-harming in the first hour.

Now I've got to go tidy up so that we can make a proper mess. Wish us luck tonight, and see you tomorrow!

Hugs,
Essss

Diving in for December

Alright alright alright. I know I said I'd never do another MyBloWriMo but I have the memory of a goldfish and can't recall now why it's the dumbest idea ever. Also I don't do things by halves (which is probably why I do so very little) so here we are.

It's a good month for it, to be honest - it's too cold to leave the house without getting a tension headache from hunching my shoulders which means I will be spending an inordinate amount of energy trying not to - but also there are holidays, and holiday foods, and fireplaces, and family, and twinkly trees, and all that is nice to talk about.

Youguys want to see the dark cave that is our house in the winter? Our social spaces are subterranean and this is as bright as they get this time of year. This was taken just past 9 this morning and soon I will need to turn on the lights.

That is not a nice wintery thing, per se, but it is my current view from the shadows of the couch, so there we go. I hope you like it, because I'll probably be sharing it every day.

Starting this blog as we mean to go on.

Today is going to be a lovely one, despite having to enter it. I have a friend's* birthday party this afternoon, followed by our first Christmas burger of the season at Hawksmoor Spitalfields Bar. I have high hopes, even though I'll confess I wasn't crazy about last year's (though at least their pork patty was heads above MeatLiquor's) (who, incidentally, seem to have created THREE Christmas burgers this year, so I'm diving back in).

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a book edit to work on and it's due Monday so as much as I hate to leave you, I also want to invoice things so I can buy more Christmas sandwiches.

Big hugs and lots of love,
Essss





*I HAVE FRIENDS, THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE CALLED 'BREWERY' AND THEY'RE BIG AND SHINY AND I SPEND MONEY TO HANG OUT WITH THEM

No, YOU ate four burgers in two days.

OMGYOUGUYS.

 I am officially on a Christmas Burger Rampage. 

And YOUGUYS, it turns out the only thing better than a Christmas sandwich is THIS:

These are the first four Wolf and I have tried, and I have to tell you, it is HARD WORK, all this research. We have to cut these in half, and then put them in our mouths. But we are doing it for YOU, our loved ones. Because not all Christmas burgers are equal, and you need to save yourself for the best. We, on the other hand, enjoying flirting with heart disease. Live dangerously, live once.

1. Byron Cheesemas: An objectively tasty burger (how can a double-cheeseburger topped with an onion ring and bacon relish not be?) but as A put it: 'What's Christmassy about it?'

2. Patty & Bun: THIS IS WHY THE HOLIDAY EXISTS. The photo above does NOT do this burger justice - it's the result of me trying to filter out the red lighting from the restaurant (speaking of, why do places use those?? It makes everything look awful!). It was hands down the juiciest turkey I think I've ever had. Like ever. It comes buttermilk fried, with sage and onion stuffing and bacon and sprouts and sausage relish and pickled red cabbage. It was the exact OPPOSITE of Byron's. It was ALL Christmas. And you wouldn't think brussels sprouts would work in a burger, would you? EXCEPT THEY DO AND I'M A FOOL FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.

3. MeatLiquor: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SAUSAGE PATTY DOING? No amount of stuffing and gravy could save that grey squeaky slab. UGH. Next time I'll get their double cheeseburger with an onion ring and call it a day.

4. Lucky Chip: This was Alan's favourite of the bunch. It may have been mine, too, but I devoured it too quickly to tell. Really I should eat another one to double check. It was a lush deer patty with stilton cheese and a blueberry, blackberry, gin jam. I KNOW. No wonder MeatLiquor made me so mad afterward.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a guinea fowl dip bap with stuffing and cranberry sauce and gravy from The Duke's Head to try, and my home defibrillator isn't going to charge itself!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Esss

They don't call it 'dreaded' for nothing

WELL, YOUGUYS. I spent an entire season fighting the lurgy that was causing friends to drop around me, and at last it has caught up to me as well. It was only a matter of time, really: public transportation alone would've taken me down eventually. I've denied its onset for a couple of days - 'I'm sniffling because of ALLERGIES' - but this morning when I woke up, tissued glued to my cheek, I was forced to acknowledge that either allergies have gotten a lot more vicious or I've succumbed to a nasty little cold.

Man, Ron Swanson is really my spirit animal this week.

In other news, I am staying off Facebook - as a cruiser, not a poster - until I have watched the Gilmore Girls. I am determined to love it, regardless of what those 'last four words' are, and all the vague-complaints about it - even if there aren't any specific spoilers - are getting me down before I've even started. Stars Hollow is my happy place, and I won't let it be rained on!

In other news: must leave the house today, despite all desire to the contrary. This afternoon there's a CAMRA festival that oughtn't be missed, and tonight I have book club - and no sickness is going to keep me from a good old fashioned book rant. As for the other book clubbers I will be germing on:

Stay healthy, youguys, and see you tomorrow!

Big hugs and lots of love,
Essss

p.s. I tried the Eat Festive Full Works Baguette and THIS was a Christmas sandwich! Now I've got to get my paws on their brie and truffle mac 'n cheese. I am sure it will provide just the healing I need . . .

Why can't you have two Thanksgiving dinners?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YOUGUYS! There won't be any cooking here today - I'm saving that for Sunday - but that won't stop us from trying to get fat, anyway. We've got an awesome mini-holiday lined up: first, lunch at beloved Hawksmoor (steak of my heart, marrow of my bones), followed by the Pinner Panto, and then it all wraps up with a Thanksgiving dinner at Capish.

Basically: THE DAY HAS ALREADY TOPPED ITSELF

The Pinner Panto is a risky one since it's Christmas-themed and I generally try to finish Turkey Day before allowing myself to go mental, but I have a meeting out there so WHAT THE HECK, let's do it. I admittedly have a weakness for London villages, especially during the holiday season. Every little high street gets so frickin' twinkly and charming that everything inside me gets all welly and I start believing in Miracles and Snow and the Innate Goodness of People and it just gets very messy and sentimental for a bit.

Speaking of messy, I screwed up another grocery order. It turns out that 625 grams of mushrooms is A LOT OF MUSHROOMS. I got them for Sunday's green bean casserole but there's enough here to make ten of them so it looks like I'm going to be whacking these into every meal for the next two weeks. Mushroom omelette! Mushroom toasties! Mushroom ice cream!

Mushroom mushrooms!

But on the bright side, in continuing my new tradition of Eating Christmas, these beauties from Pieminister have also arrived! A very exciting recommendation by this foxy lady, these are going STRAIGHT INTO MY PIEHOLE, WHICH IS FINALLY AN EXPRESSION THAT MAKES SENSE.

I'll bet they'll taste even better with some mushrooms on top.

Before I waddle out, I want to thank you for reading this little blog. I know there's a huge demand on your time and attention these days, so I am thankful for the minutes you spare to come here. I hope you have a wonderful day; my heart to yours. 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Essss

Don't try this at home

OMGYOUGUYS. An excellent Thursday all around: the sky remained pitch black all day and since I refuse to turn on the lights at noon, I got to work covered in shadows. What cosiness!

I also got to try a new (to me) Pret Christmas sandwich: the vegan baguette. This was entirely a mistake - a lone sandwich left on the wrong shelf, and they don't come labelled - but when it came home and I opened it up and saw the error, I maturely decided not to go with my knee-jerk reaction (to fling it against the wall and slump to the floor wailing) and try it. After all, I *did* want to try them all, and maybe I would love it and want to eat it always! Maybe this is the first of many vegan food preferences and I could evolve into that person who's all 'Dahhhling, not the pork, you know I favour chickpeas.'

But then I put it in my mouth. And I don't know what went wrong here - was this an end-of-day creation, and the human who built it high/drunk/lazy/psychotic? - but this was AN ABOMINATION OF A SANDWICH. The parsnip puree was unholy, the carrots anemic, and the rocket - well, you can see the rocket - clearly wanted out of there as much as I did:

Not pictured: joy. Fulfilment. Any reason to live.

I did eat the whole thing - I can't throw away food - but I had to add bacon and cheese and tomatoes and sriracha to mask the wreckage. SUPER healthy, totally won. Definitely vegan now.

(If anyone has had a positive experience of this sandwich, please do let me know. Maybe this was a random abhorrent act against nature and I should try again.) 

And other exciting things happened yesterday! One, I had my first guest blogger, who delightfully opted out of using English and went full Kerouwackian Welsh, much to my delight. Look at this guy, hard at work in the coffee shop!

Best part: didn't even have to proofread it.

And our winter logs arrived! 35 bags of firewood delivered to our front door by the most cheerful Log Deliveryman one could imagine. I cleverly decided to leave them there all day, basking in the sun (see that ray of light below?) and waited until it got dark and started pouring rain to shift them - one by one - to the back garden. It only took me about 40 soaking minutes of tracking mud and splinters across the house so I think we can all admit that I made the right choice. Each bag is around 12 kilos so I would also like to point out that I moved 420 KILOS OF WOOD BY MYSELF. Between this and my newfound vegan-ness (is that the right word? Someone tell me, I'm new to this lifestyle), I am surely the healthiest person I know. 

They mock me, looking all snug and smelling so nice, right before STABBING ME TO PIECES.

Okay, I need to go - I've got a 7 o'clock dinner reservation and then tickets to a jazz show and I am definitely not fit to be seen by other humans at the moment - but I hope you have a wonderful evening!

Big hugs and lots of love,
Essss

Michelangelo Dun It

OMGYOUGUYS. It's all going to be fine, according to what Facebook tells me is trending right now:

Yep. Totally normal. 

Apparently she's been spotted in LEGGINGS. Everyone SHOULD be talking about this.

Now let's get back to PXSD. It was a REALLY good day. For one, because I ate THE BEST CHRISTMAS SANDWICH OF ALL TIME, but also because after, Hannah and I went to the Royal College of Surgeons to hear a talk entitled 'An Anatomical Whodunnit? The Tiger Bronzes by Michelangelo,' all about these guys:

Do you think my deodorant's working?

In a nutshell, these uncredited bronzes have been attributed to Michelangelo for a variety of reasons, one of which is anatomical. So we got to hear the academic authority on the subject, Dr. Peter McSmartface Letters Letters Letters, tell us all about Michelangelo's approach to musculature in art and how these are perfect examples. It was all very interesting (more than I've made it sound) and also he spent some time on slides involving the words 'coiffured and blow dried pubes' - along with lovely examples of styles throughout art history - so I feel like I've pretty much peaked in art lecture quality and will never have to go to another one again. This guy has really raised the bar:

In both art history AND top tie-man-ship.

Then, after leaving the lecture hall, all giddy on learning, we cut through the magical Lincoln's Inn, which has to be London's Most Literal Place: 

'What should we call this one?' 'Old Buildings.' [. . .] 'Yeah, alright.' 

'No, but really, shouldn't we try harder?' 'Do you or don't you want to get to the pub, John?' [. . .] 'Fair enough.' 

 [ . . . ] 'Ah, forget it.'

And then of course, there's The Chapel. Is there anything more calming than a quiet London chapel in the middle of the afternoon? They just make you want to sit and breathe for a while:

In . . . and out.

And there's always the Stained Glass Comedies when you're done being contemplative: 

 Meet Wolverine, I've Lost My Kitten, Can't Touch This, and She Did What?

Highly recommend. Best Stained Glass Reality Show you've seen yet this year.

Heading into work now - this book is getting REAL and I'm expecting some executions soon - so keep on keeping on, comrades, and see you tomorrow!

Big hugs and lots of love,
Esss

Massive Anticipation + Crippling Anxiety = AWESOME DAY

OMGYOUGUYS. Happy Pret Christmas Sandwich Day!

So yesterday Wolf had gone to Pret to try and find the Best Christmas Sandwich of All Time for me but he couldn't find it ANYwhere so I went to the website to find out what cruel torture the Universe was inflicting and saw THIS:

A THANKSGIVING one, too?? Then I crashed as quickly as I soared: I was on the wrong website. This is Pret USA. Hmph. That's cool, youguys, go ahead and enjoy that. Whatever. 

So then I went to the real Pret site (yeah, that's right, I said it) and found THIS:

YOUGUYS. YOUGUYS. This is TODAY. And then my friend Di sent me this last night: 

Honestly, now the anticipation is just too great.

And even BETTER - because clearly I can't talk about this enough - I just went to the Christmas menu on their website and they have NINE CHRISTMAS SANDWICHES THIS YEAR. NINE. There's even a ham hock and sprout macaroni cheese one.

In other news, I also think other things are happening today, like an Election. I see good polls and then I see bad polls and then I see good polls and the emotional rollercoaster has got me in a tailspin. America, be good today. I want to come back and visit and I don't want things to get weird between us.

Alright, I'm officially overstimulated by all the day's potential. I need to go take a hot shower and maybe have a wee rock under the bed. Have a great, calm day!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Essss

On cats and Christmas and culinary delights

OMGYOUGUYS. After a skim of some of last November's MyBloWriMo content*, I have reached the conclusion that my writing has not matured at all in a year's time. 'Consistent' is not a characteristic I can usually self-ascribe, so I'm feeling mighty pleased about this.

As pleased as this kitty was about being taken for a walk. 

Today I have learned something new. Apparently there is a thing here - I like how it's taken me eight years to hear of this, I'm nothing if not observant - called "The Christmas Sandwich". According to a Very-British group chat I'm in, it can best be described as 'Christmas dinner in bread,' and is found by looking for 'any limited edition sandwich in a green, red and gold box around this time of year.' Some discussion then ensued about what and who makes a good Christmas Sandwich. There were some hotly contested leeks v cranberries in the conversation, followed by a round of applause for Pret and their vegetarian options. It all got very exciting for a good half hour. Apparently if there's one thing the Brits take seriously, it's seasonal cuisine.

So I took it upon myself this afternoon - with the guidance of my Very-British Foodie Friend Hannah - to get my first ever Christmas Sandwich. We went to M&S Food Hall - one of my favourite places in this fine country - and spent some time picking out just the right introductory product. And here we have it, youguys: the Turkey Feast. According to the box, this contains 'roast British turkey breast with pork, sage and onion stuffing, cranberry chutney, smoked British bacon and mayonnaise on malted brown bread.' BECAUSE THEY CAN.

And you thought it'd look obscene.

Here it is on the plate, looking just like a Turkey Feast masquerading as a sandwich: 

And you thought it'd look obscene.

And then I did it: I took my first, hesitant bite. AND HOLY COW. YOUGUYS. WHY DO WE EAT CHRISTMAS DINNER IN ANY OTHER FORM. This is a holiday party in my mouth! Now, to be fair, this is my first Christmas Sandwich so I have no bar to set this against, but I would rate this sandwich is a 10/10, would eat again. Hannah also pointed out that when you buy one, they give 'donations to charity' or something, so that means you can eat as many as you want and it's guilt-free. Eating these is basically SOCIAL WORK. For the sake of humanity, I will have to eat more. 

And then, because the afternoon continued to win, we ran into our friend Doreen and shared a round of tea.** Who can beat the joys of East London?? 

Not pictured: Pressure Drop Pale Chamomile

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch Good Wife - I mean, enjoy a fine novel - and inhale the rest of my bread-encased Christmas dinner! Happy Thursday, all!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Essss

*Which yielded NOTHING I could plagiarise 
**It's all I drink, Grampa.