Tuesday, December 6, 2016

No, YOU ate four burgers in two days.


 I am officially on a Christmas Burger Rampage. 

And YOUGUYS, it turns out the only thing better than a Christmas sandwich is THIS:

These are the first four Wolf and I have tried, and I have to tell you, it is HARD WORK, all this research. We have to cut these in half, and then put them in our mouths. But we are doing it for YOU, our loved ones. Because not all Christmas burgers are equal, and you need to save yourself for the best. We, on the other hand, enjoying flirting with heart disease. Live dangerously, live once.

1. Byron Cheesemas: An objectively tasty burger (how can a double-cheeseburger topped with an onion ring and bacon relish not be?) but as A put it: 'What's Christmassy about it?'

2. Patty & Bun: THIS IS WHY THE HOLIDAY EXISTS. The photo above does NOT do this burger justice - it's the result of me trying to filter out the red lighting from the restaurant (speaking of, why do places use those?? It makes everything look awful!). It was hands down the juiciest turkey I think I've ever had. Like ever. It comes buttermilk fried, with sage and onion stuffing and bacon and sprouts and sausage relish and pickled red cabbage. It was the exact OPPOSITE of Byron's. It was ALL Christmas. And you wouldn't think brussels sprouts would work in a burger, would you? EXCEPT THEY DO AND I'M A FOOL FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.

3. MeatLiquor: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SAUSAGE PATTY DOING? No amount of stuffing and gravy could save that grey squeaky slab. UGH. Next time I'll get their double cheeseburger with an onion ring and call it a day.

4. Lucky Chip: This was Alan's favourite of the bunch. It may have been mine, too, but I devoured it too quickly to tell. Really I should eat another one to double check. It was a lush deer patty with stilton cheese and a blueberry, blackberry, gin jam. I KNOW. No wonder MeatLiquor made me so mad afterward.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a guinea fowl dip bap with stuffing and cranberry sauce and gravy from The Duke's Head to try, and my home defibrillator isn't going to charge itself!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

And we have DONE it.

OMGYOUGUYS. It's the last day of MyBloWriMo, and we have survived it once again. Well, in theory.

I'm currently on my way to some super feisty birthday tea for my friend Kaitlyn and it's gonna get REAL. I'm going to attempt to cure my head cold with some strong, burning herbal remedy. Nothing could possibly go wrong here. BECAUSE I SAID HERBAL. 

Speaking of - does anybody know if it's okay to put Olbas oil in the bath? Or Vicks? I want to mentholate my brains out next time I'm in there. Girl cannot BREATHE and Girl wants SOLUTIONS.

Okay so just now I went to get my coat for the walk to Hackney Central and saw Wolf's flannel lumberjack vest that he got in Japan and I stole it to put over my dress. I don't even feel sorry for doing this, even though it's his, even though it doesn't match what I'm wearing. It's like wearing a HUG. It is so soft and squishy and has the added benefit of looking super cool, like a cosy homeless person. He is never getting it back.

I'm looking forward to posting again soon! It may not be tomorrow - God forbid - but I am VERY good at Random Posting and in addition to Christmas shenanigans in Scotland, we're going to the Ice Hotel in Sweden for Wolf's birthday and that should not go un-talked-about. And if I can possibly do it, I may make MyBloWriMo a bi-annual affair and pick this self-torture back up in June, which also happens to be my birthday month so there will be LOTS TO BLOG ABOUT. Namely, me.

In the meantime, thank you so much for checking in this month: I appreciate every second that you gave to this/me/my ramblings. I hope you have a great holiday season, and . . . 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

They don't call it 'dreaded' for nothing

WELL, YOUGUYS. I spent an entire season fighting the lurgy that was causing friends to drop around me, and at last it has caught up to me as well. It was only a matter of time, really: public transportation alone would've taken me down eventually. I've denied its onset for a couple of days - 'I'm sniffling because of ALLERGIES' - but this morning when I woke up, tissued glued to my cheek, I was forced to acknowledge that either allergies have gotten a lot more vicious or I've succumbed to a nasty little cold.

Man, Ron Swanson is really my spirit animal this week.

In other news, I am staying off Facebook - as a cruiser, not a poster - until I have watched the Gilmore Girls. I am determined to love it, regardless of what those 'last four words' are, and all the vague-complaints about it - even if there aren't any specific spoilers - are getting me down before I've even started. Stars Hollow is my happy place, and I won't let it be rained on!

In other news: must leave the house today, despite all desire to the contrary. This afternoon there's a CAMRA festival that oughtn't be missed, and tonight I have book club - and no sickness is going to keep me from a good old fashioned book rant. As for the other book clubbers I will be germing on:

Stay healthy, youguys, and see you tomorrow!

Big hugs and lots of love,

p.s. I tried the Eat Festive Full Works Baguette and THIS was a Christmas sandwich! Now I've got to get my paws on their brie and truffle mac 'n cheese. I am sure it will provide just the healing I need . . .

Monday, November 28, 2016

It was no Good Wife, that's for sure.

UGH YOUGUYS. I just finished my book club reading for our meeting tomorrow and it was a big, fat pile of whyyyyyy. The chosen book was The Girls (the one based on Charles Manson's cult, so that part intrigued me, yay violence!) but the main character was just so . . . unpleasant. And the book itself (as I said to a couple friends around the 24% mark) is page after page of gross, overwritten pubescence. Her mom is weak, her crush is a loser, her friends are fat, she's obsessed with sex, and what beauty in the grotesque! The intimacy of popping pimples on the best friend's back, the 60's free-lovers with their long, split hair and scrawny, ashy knees and mosquito-scabbed ankles over bare feet splashing in algae-ridden ponds and isn't it looooovely her freckled shoulders spinning carelessly through the dust motes in the shimmer of the cracked kitchen window? Let's talk about her loose breasts and brittle fingernails again. Make it more visceral this time. Surely there's a blackhead on her sweaty neck that was missed the first go-round! HIPPIE-PROSE AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR IT.

I was recently part of a wonderful literary radio chat show - subject matter 'The Unlikeable Female Protagonist' and how difficult that was for Certain Genders - and one of the points of the discussion was how relatable the protagonist (male or female) had to be for enjoyment of the book to take place. I was all over the place on this matter, though I veered toward needing them not to be a-holes. I couldn't stand Jules in The Interestings and that tainted the book for me (why is she so DULL!) but somehow Humbert Humbert was okay. Holden Caulfield is absolutely intolerable to adult-me, but was adored - highlighted, dog-eared - by adolescent-me. So this is a moving target. But The Girls was basically:

Though it did make me understand how murder could happen. 

And in other news: only two days until MyBloWriMo wraps up! We all thought we wouldn't get there, but here the date fast approaches. What fortitude you've shown to THIS Unlikeable Female Protagonist. 

I hope your Mondays were slightly-more-than-decent (let's not raise the bar too high, it IS Monday, after all), and I look forward to tomorrow!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Thanksgiving Part III: With a Vengeance

OMGYOUGUYS. Happy Third Thanksgiving! This is the day that actual cooking is going to happen and I am going to put so much green bean casserole in my face that everyone* is going to be embarrassed. We've even pulled out our fancy dining table just for the occasion:

That's right. It's a folding card table, and our living room is now our dining room. I SAID it was fancy.

The other fun part of Thanksgiving is that as soon as it's past, I feel 100% free to put up the Christmas tree. I'm sure this will irritate all the December-First-and-Not-a-Minute-Before people, but I DON'T CARE THIS IS MY TRADITION NOW GO SCROOGE SOMEWHERE ELSE. Also, why do those people feel like they have the right to judge you for this? A friend recently put up her holiday decorations at the eager request of her children - this was like last week, not pre-Halloween - but you could tell she felt self-conscious about it because she was all apologetic when she posted the photo of her tree on Facebook. And for good reason: half the comments were variants of 'TOO EARLY, YOU INSANE WOMAN.' That's not their call! That's hers! So you know what? That IS my tree reflected in the mirror above, and I don't CARE if it's three days before some arbitrary allowance.

Okay, rant over. Sorry about that, apparently it's been building up. 

Al is currently in the armchair watching Game of Thrones with his headphones on and I can tell it's a good one because he's yelping a lot. He gets IN his shows. It's hilarious (also startling when the room is otherwise quiet). I don't watch the show because it makes me too jumpy, but that doesn't appear to bother him in the slightest. This is why I only watch shows like Good Wife or Gilmore Girls. NO MURDERS HERE, THX. 

Already, time to get cooking! This bird isn't going to roast itself. I hope your Sunday is sweet and relaxing and full of comfort and joy! 'Tis the season, after all.

Big hugs and lots of love,

*Me and Al. Nobody else has been invited for this reason.